In His Silent House
by SilentShisou
Summary: A one-shot sequel to an angst story a read (explanations inside). Lovino is suffering from Antonio's death 2 years prior, with his sanity slipping father and farther away the Italian has to decide whether to keep living and fighting, or to surrender and let his depression take over. SpaMano Warnings: CHARACTER DEATH, Suicide (IT'S A HAPPY ENDING THOUGH SO PLEASE READ! :D))


In His Silent House

((Hi! I recently read an angst fic that I loved! Usually I hate reading angst, but sometimes I get into the mood to just...read about people dying. You feel me? So I did! And IrisWrites made a nice angst called "In Our House" you should go read it! :D So, after finishing it I felt the need to add a sequel to it. And I did! I got his/her permission and I got it, so here is a sequel to "In Our House"

I DO NOT OWN the original story or Hetalia or the characters

Thank you~))

The day Antonio died was inevitably the start of Lovino's end. Lovino was used to pain, used to crying, used to sadness, used to it all. He was like a modern Edgar Allen Poe. Parents dead, not the richest, and now his one love had been taken away as well. The following day had been brutal, the brunette had refused to leave his house, or answer any calls. It took Feliciano's boyfriend, Ludwig, to break down the door to see if he was alright. He was, physically at least, and the two tried their damned best to try to make him happy. Nothing worked though, by the time the funeral came Lovino had ran out of tears practically, he got worried glances when he made his speech in front of Antonio's casket, no tears streaming down his face or his voice cracking. He was emotionless, his eyes were dull and he said what he wanted to and left. The burial was even worse. Feliciano had tried hard to get his dear brother to go home, but Lovino refused. He stayed by Antonio's grave for at least a day and a half, only eating when others offered him food.

All the Italian could see was the heart monitor stopping, his love fading away before his eyes. All he could hear was the sound of the shrill sound that told him his love was gone forever, it was like God himself was taunting him. How much more pain could one man take? All his life he had had people taken away. At a young age his parents were killed in a car accident, then his brother was taken away by their grandfather while he was switched from foster home to foster home. When they reunited Feliciano wasn't the same, he didn't need his big brother anymore, so Lovino counted that a loss too. His one teacher he could trust in high school, the one he went to with all of his problems, and the one who made him smile, committed suicide when her daughter was shot. Everyone had been taken away. That is until Antonio came along.

Antonio had been different, he didn't care about all the cursing and yelling Lovino did. He cared about him and that was it. He became friends with him, they told each other everything, and by their junior year they had begun dating. Lovino of course didn't think it would last, but they did. All through college they remained together, and the brunette thought he had finally found happiness. What a sad mistake that had been, how could he even think for a second that everything was going to be just fine? He understood that completely when he heard Antonio's voice for the last time that day, whispering; "be strong~" before fading off. It brought more tears to his eyes.

The pale, gaunt brunette punched his pillow weakly, not even having the energy anymore to get angry about his emotional state. He was so used to waking up from his nostalgic dreams and sobbing. He just let the salty tears run down his face and soak his pillow and some of his hair. It had been two years today...two years. Two long years of attempting to end it all only to have his little brother burst in and stop him. He never bought food anymore, Feliciano brought him that too. He paid his taxes and worked from home every day. He didn't see a point though.

"Go see other people Lovi~ it'll make it better." Feliciano had tried to tell him.

"No. I don't want to see other people." Lovino had replied sadly, he couldn't even be rude anymore. He didn't want anyone else, he just wanted Antonio. Today he usually he went to Antonio's grave, set some carnations down, and cried all day. That was the routine every month and especially on this day. The anniversary of his dear beloved's death. Sitting up slowly and cracking some sore kinks out of his neck Lovino sighed, wiping his eyes and looking outside. It rained again, how typical. He went through his normal daily schedule, taking a shower, not eating, sitting on the couch. Nothing was doing it for him though, he still felt empty. Even when he took time to actually go on the internet and look at cat videos like a normal person he felt empty. Nothing, he felt nothing.

Time flew for Lovino now, he didn't know how long he sat at the kitchen table, staring at pictures on his phone, but soon he noticed it was at least 3:30 in the afternoon. Feliciano would be here at 5pm with dinner, just like every day. Normal schedule. He stood up, and make a snap decision. He was tired, and he was going to get the sleep he so very deeply craved, no matter what it took.

Meanwhile about 20 minutes away Feliciano was preparing dinner to take over to Lovino's.

"Maybe ve should let him be tonight...you know vhat day it is." Ludwig reminded him softly, worried about the older Vargas. He was so thin, no matter how much they fed him. He looked tired, and pale, and in pain. So much pain, he looked like a walking dead man.

"No...we can't leave him alone. Especially not tonight..." Feliciano replied, giving his lover a sad look. "He'll get better one day, he has to." The auburn man went back to making pasta, a sinking feeling beginning to settle in his stomach.

"Feliciano I hate to break it to you but...some people just don't get better from zhis type of zhing. Lovino und Antonio very pretty close, I don't zhink he vill heal." Ludwig stated, patting his shoulder. Again the shorter of the two shook his head.

"No...h-he has to. He's been through too much and deserves happiness, he'll find it. Love comes when you least expect it."

"Ja, zhat is true, but he hasn't left zhe house in two years." Sighing Feliciano just continued to cook. Deep down he knew Ludwig was right, he didn't want to accept the truth though. He himself had seen his brother's health deteriorate slowly over the years. He was thin like Ludwig had said, but as his brother he noticed another thing. He was gone, Lovino was gone. He couldn't remember the last time he cursed. Slowly the personality of the one he loved faded away, leaving a shell of sadness behind. He has to get better. Feliciano though sadly. He just has to.

He sat at his desk, a pen in hand as he stared at the paper in front of him. This was it, his last cry to the world. Damn them all he decided, he didn't deserve happiness, in fact he didn't want it anymore. A shaky breath escaped as he began to write. He'd let everyone know the reason he left, he would go out with a bang. He didn't know how many times he started over, trying to keep the tears off the paper as he wrote more, emotions spilling onto the page. And finally, after an hour, he was done. He didn't re-read the letter, he didn't even glance at it. Lovino just put it in an envelope titled "whoever has the displeasure of finding me."

Walking to the basement, key in hand, he head over to the safe in the corner. He hadn't touched his grandfather's guns since he received them at the funeral. Now they had a purpose at least. Unlocking it he took a look at the three pistols. One was white with gold designs on the barrel and handle. It was a beautiful piece, Lovino didn't want to stain it though. The second was black, with a silver lining on the handle, an arrow on the barrel. Maybe. The third was a regular pistol, no designs or fancy prints. After some contemplation he auburn picked up the second gun. Might as well stain the black one. Without a second thought he walked back upstairs, turning off all the lights and making sure his house was orderly. He dug through his drawers and added one more thing to his will before shoving that in the envelope too. Lovino glanced at the clock, 4:30. He didn't have much time left

"L-Ludwig? Can we leave now?" Feliciano asked, tapping his hand against his leg impatiently,

"Ja ve can, Vhy so early zhough?" The Italian looked at his phone.

"I've called Lovi at least 7 times...but he hasn't answered. He usually texts me to say he got the call but...n-nothing." He said. Ludwig brought the bag with their dinner in and nodded.

"I zhink you're being a bit paranoid, but alright. Vant me to drive?" He asked, Feliciano nodded and jumped up. The two rushed to the car, the younger brother had a very bad feeling about today. He was starting to feel sick.

-sorry for all the page breaks-

4:30pm, half an hour left. Lovino knew he had to hurry before it was too late. He could hear his inner thoughts screaming to stop, the logical part of his mind trying to make him see clearly but he just couldn't do it anymore. The Italian ignored all reason and walked up to the balcony in the large bedroom he used to share. His gaunt body seemed like a ghostly figure in the twilight, like something from a horror book. His skin was pale, his eyes were dull. There were bags under eyes and his hands shook, his hair seemed lifeless and he thought for a moment that maybe...just maybe fate would take care of him. The thought was soon pushed aside, he couldn't wait any longer. He was going mad practically and Lovino knew he was, which was why he needed to sleep. That was all he needed, sleep. Blissful everlasting sleep that would take him to a new world and heal him. When he would wake up he would be young and full of energy, and the matters of life wouldn't matter anymore. He could hear Antonio's voice already as he began to load the pistol, his hand relishing the cool metal against his clammy skin.

"Oh Antonio...it's as if your here~" He croaked. It was the first time he had actually spoken in a few weeks. His voice was hoarse and pained, it didn't sound like the voice of a 26 year old "You don't have to cry anymore...I know you're pained. But I'll be seeing you soon, I just couldn't wait any longer you see." He continued, as if the spirit of his lover was there watching him. Somewhere, or nowhere, he couldn't tell, he heard crying. It wasn't actually there though, it came through the breeze of the autumn trees. It carried fragmented sentences, "don't" and "stop!" "I'm begging you" and "please!" But the Italian only laughed. It was a maddened laugh, he felt so alive. So disgustingly alive.

"You say don't, but you don't understand." Lovino chuckled, bringing the gun up and examining it.

"It's all for the better, all for the better. Everything will be happy soon~" He cooed.

"So happy~ everything happy and joyful~" Lovino whispered, smiling sadly.

"It's a shame I can't bring the gun with me you know? It's such a nice gun~ very neatly designed and crafted." He explained. Lovino looked up, the sun was almost gone.

"I mustn't waste any more time...you see Feliciano will be here soon. We can talk again in a minute if you'll just be patient~" He said to the wind taking a deep breath and closing his eyes. He fiddled with the envelope pinned to his chest to make sure it was straight before lifting the barrel to his temple.

"You know...I like dying this way. On the balcony, it was where you were going to propose. Remember? And with the cool breeze, it will be a comfort. I hope the envelope doesn't get covered in blood though..." He mumbled. A few tears began to roll down his face as he started to count down from 15. Finally, all the pain would be gone. He could rest, and forget he even existed.

At 10 seconds he began to cry softly, wondering why this had to happen to him.

At 5 he took a deep breath, his final clutch on life.

At 1 he snapped his finger quickly.

It didn't hurt. Not really. There as a pinch from the bullet but it was all over so quickly Lovino didn't notice anything. He felt weightless and peaceful, just lying there. There was blackness at first, utter blackness and nothing. A terrifying nothing, no sound. No light. No feeling. No sight. Just. Plain. Nothing. And it scared Lovino, it terrified him. As soon as it was there it was gone though, and soon his vision returned. He was on the ground, staring at the oak tree by the balcony. Something caught his eye and he turned his head. Blood. So much blood...it stained the marble floor with its crimson essence and slowly spread like a plague over the balcony. Lovino didn't feel wet or sticky from it though. In fact Lovino felt pretty okay.

No longer did his head ache, or his heart clench. His sore back was gone, every ailment of pain seemed to have disappeared. Slowly, ever so slowly he began to sit up. He groaned a bit, feeling light. Too light. Once the Italian was up he took a deep breath, and though he felt no air rush into his lungs he still felt refreshed from it. He emanated a sigh, and he noticed the leaves rustle in the wind. He blinked and sighed again, the leaves rustled. That was odd. Again Lovino sighed, and it suddenly clicked. If his breath was the wind then that meant...he turned around. There he was. Dead. Lovino could see the flush in his face slowly leaving his body and his still form bleeding out as the hole in his head kept bleeding. The gun was still clutched in his hand.

He noticed the envelope and reached down, unpinning it from his chest and sighing happily knowing it wasn't ruined with his blood. He instead pinned it to his shoulder that was safe from blood and stood back.

"I...I-I really did it. I...but..." Lovino was so confused.

"If I'm dead...h-how can I still talk and breathe and...move in general. Why do I have a conscious?" He kept asking questions out loud as if somebody would hear them and respond.

"More importantly why aren't I in hell?" He huffed. "Fucking hell I was ripped off. My foster parents and teachers said I was going to hell and this is it?" He sighed and saw more leaves rustle. "Just...why?" He held his head in confusion.

"...b-because. You're in another dimension. Angles are just the conscious of a person sucked into an alternate universe entangled with the mortal universe." He heard someone say, and he froze. If he had been alive his heart would have stopped. Slowly, ever so slowly he turned. There, with a tear stained face and red eyes, was his lover. Antonio sat in the tree, his white garb flowing in the autumn wind. His hair was glossy and clean, his skin was smooth and tan. He looked just like he had before he died. He looked alive. Lovino at first only stared, tears beginning to stream down his face as he stared at the other. Whether the tears were from sorrow or joy he did not know.

"A-Antonio..." He whimpered, walking to the edge and reaching a hand out. "Antonio is it r-really you?" The Italian asked softly, sniffling. The older man nodded and stood, floating over. He had no wings, he just moved wherever he desired.

"Who else would I be mi Lovinito?" He said quietly, taking the others hands in his own. This made Lovino begin to cry more, he was really there. Antonio was there and okay and...and they were dead. Together.

"I-I missed you so much~" Lovino croaked out before hugging him, burying his face in the Spaniards neck. He could smell the tomatoes and spices on him as if he were still alive,

"I did too...but why...L-Lovino why?" Antonio asked shakily, holding him tightly in his arms. Lovino felt tears fall onto his head and he hugged Antonio tighter.

"I-I couldn't take it a-anymore...w-without you m-my life was n-nothing..." Lovino confessed, looking up at him. Antonio wiped his tears gently and sniffled.

"I-I can't bring myself to be mad at you...I would have done the same thing honestly...but...oh Lovino..." He cried, holding him. Lovino understood why the other was upset, and he knew he was at fault. He pressed close and ran his hands up and down the others back, trying his best to comfort him.

"It's alright now...shhh...we can be together now si? A-And nothing will separate us." He said softly, looking up at him. Antonio wiped his eyes and nodded, kissing his forehead.

"I-I've been watching you...all these years I've been watching you. And every day it hurt...it hurt so much to see the pain you were going through. I felt so bad that I couldn't help..."

"It wasn't your fault...it wasn't mio amore..." Lovino said, cupping Antonio's face in his hands.

"Ti amo...I love you so much...nothing ever changed that..." He said before kissing him softly. He couldn't believe he was kissing Antonio again, he couldn't believe it. His lips were still as soft as they were in life as he sighed happily, a breeze soon ruffling their hair. Antonio's grip tightened as he kissed back, holding Lovino close. The blissful kiss was cut short though as they heard a car park.

"Oh no...oh no." Lovino said, eyes widening. Antonio didn't have to ask, he knew what was happening. Feliciano was here.

"Come on." He said, gripping the brunette's hand as he flew up, and toward the coast. Lovino held onto him tightly, he wasn't afraid of falling. He was afraid of Feliciano's reaction. He could feel his eyes tearing at the thought of his brother finding him, the pain he'd put him through. He didn't regret his decision, but he felt sorrow at the fact his only family would find him.

Sure enough as they came to a stop at the local park he heard a distant agonizing scream, filled with desperation and sadness. Covering his mouth he muffled his sobs as he hid his face in Antonio's neck, clinging to him. The elder held him close, comforting him.

Feliciano couldn't believe what was happening, his head was swimming with questions and thoughts. He knelt down, holding the body of his dead brother as sobs wracked his small frame. Why hadn't he come sooner? Why wasn't he able to stop him? Not caring about the blood on his clothes and hands Feliciano muttered in Italian, begging the other to wake up. He knew it was futile, the obvious hole in his head proved the other would never awake. He needed something, a comfort. Anything.

"Oh fratello I'm so sorry...I-if only I had come sooner..." He whimpered. Ludwig meanwhile didn't know how to react, he was shocked. He knew the older Vargas had been off...but he didn't expect him to go this far. Patting Feliciano's shoulder softly he knelt next to him, he had already called an ambulance and was waiting. Hugging him gently he could feel the other sobbing slightly, his body shaking uncontrollably.

"...at least he's not in any more pain liebe, zhink of it zhat vay." He said quietly, trying his best to comfort the other. Though what could possibly comfort someone who had just discovered their dead brother? Not much that was for sure. Ludwig knew he was in for some tough times, Feliciano surely wouldn't take this well or heal quickly.

Feliciano nodded, he understood why Lovino did it. He could see his brother weakening day after day, a hollow of his former self emerging. He still couldn't believe he was gone though, after all he did trying to help the other heal and come back. He gave a shaky sigh...looking down at his brothers lifeless, cold body Feliciano sighed sadly. His chest clenched painfully as tears blurred his vision. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a white envelope, pinned to his arm. Wiping his eyes the Italian unpinned it and put it in his jacket as he heard the ambulance approach.

The rest was a blur, his brothers body was taken away on a gurney, a couple questions were asked. Nothing really mattered to him now though. He seemed in a daze as he sat on what was once Lovino's bed, head in his hands. Sitting next to him Ludwig noticed the envelope and wrapped an arm around him.

"Vhats in zhe envelope?" He asked. Feliciano shrugged, taking it out and handing it to him gently,

"You read it...I can't right now..." He whispered. Nodding Ludwig took it, he was hesitant on opening it. Why he did not know. He felt like he was prying, like this wasn't his business. Lovino had hated him after all.

"Feliciano I don't zhink I should...zhis is his final goodbye probably, I zhink he vould have vanted you to read it." He said, handing it back. Nodding he sighed sadly and opened it carefully, not ripping anything and treating it as if it were a flower. There were two folded up pieces of paper in there, taking them both out he scanned them both. One was a letter, addressed to "whoever had the displeasure of finding" him. The other was Lovino's final will and testament. He gave the will to Ludwig, he'd know what to do with that, and kept the letter for himself.

"...I...um...I'm sorry." He said. Ludwig raised an eyebrow.

"Vhy?" The blonde asked, rubbing his back.

"I'm being too quiet..."

"Feli you just found your dead bruder. You have a reason to be. I don't care if you're quiet or sobbing right now. You do vhat you need to do." Ludwig said, kissing the side of his head before beginning to read the will. He had to admit Lovino was very organized. Sighing shakily Feliciano uttered a quiet "grazie" before looking down at the letter. It was neatly written and in ink, it looked like his brother had taken time on saying his goodbye.

_To Whoever Has the Displeasure of Finding Me_

_I'm sorry. I'm just going to get that out of the way, I know whoever is reading this is pissed off and upset. You have every right to be, I made a stupid choice, and I ran away. I took the easy way out, as some would say. I know for a fact though that I'll never regret my decision, this world is cruel. People have to fight to be happy, if they don't fight they don't win. I fought for so long to gain that happiness, I fought every day and every night but every battle was lost. Every. Single. One. I fought and I lost, I let the game of life take its prize. And that prize was my life._

_I'm not trying to earn sympathy or pity. It was my fault I didn't try to heal, my fault I was driven to insanity. Who wouldn't go crazy though? Losing Antonio was like losing my heart. He was the only one who kept me alive, and without him I slowly started to wither away. I know anybody who bothered to keep an eye on me could see it. I was in pain, dying slowly. I probably would have died by years end if I had just waited. We all know how impatient I am though. Feliciano can tell you that. I couldn't wait any longer for the sweet bliss of eternal sleep. I took the cheapest way out, and whoever is reading this had the displeasure of finding me._

_If it is a fellow neighbor who is reading this, know I apologize for causing you such inconvenience, you'll have to deal with a lot of shit now because of me. If my fratellino, Feliciano Vargas is reading this. I'm sorry...I wish I could have stayed, I wish I had a reason to. Feliciano you don't need me anymore, you're an adult and you don't need your big brother. You have Ludwig to take care of you, and as much as I disliked him...I'd rather you be with him than anyone else. He knows you best and wants to keep you happy. Tell that German: he better take care of you or I WILL haunt him._

_It's not a sad thing that I'm gone. Just think, you'll no longer have to deal with my depressed ass anymore. You can be free and happy, open that restaurant you've always wanted to open. You'll be okay Feliciano, I'll be watching you. In my will I have some requests, I have bequeathed all of my money and life savings to Feliciano and Marcello Vargas. Use it well boys, don't fuck this up and spend it all in one go. Marcello you need to save up for college dammit you better not blow it on a car. Feliciano you save it for whatever you need to._

_I apologize again, but you all will heal. You have the support of your loved ones, and family, friends, co-workers. Everyone, you'll all be just fine._

_Best wishes to you all and arriverderci;_

_Lovino Romano Vargas_

_P.S: I have one last request...please...please bury me next to or with Antonio, I don't give a fuck if this sounds gross but I'm dead. Bury me with Antonio...it'd make my afterlife much more worthwhile. I love you Feliciano, Marcello, good luck._

Feliciano couldn't believe what he was reading, he stared at the letter wide eyed. Tears gathering at the corners as he sniffled and hid the paper from his tears.

"Fratello..." He whimpered.

"Oh frattelone I'm so sorry this all happened to you...I-I wish you had a better life..." Feliciano cried, setting the letter aside and quietly sobbing into his hands. Ludwig set the will down, putting it back in the envelope and reading the letter himself. To be honest it hurt him as well...he was never fond of the elder Vargas but Lovino had never done anything that wasn't for his brother. It seemed that was all he focused on was Feliciano and Marcello. Now that he was gone he didn't know what the two would do.

"...I zhink he's right Feli..." Ludwig started.

"You don't need a big brother anymore...und even zhough it hurts zhat he's gone, you'll be okay. You und Marcello will be just fine. Maybe ve can have Marcello come vith us ja?" Feliciano wiped his eyes and nodded, his throat tight with tears. He knew his younger brother hated his foster home, and as immediate family he had the right to adopt him. Ludwig was always fine with it, the younger Vargas was worried about the change though. He didn't want to put Marcello through any pain.

"..Y-Yeah...w-we should a-adopt Marcello..." He said, voice tight with sorrow. The blonde only nodded, knowing how much pain his beloved was in right now. Setting the will and letter on the nightstand he hugged Feliciano close, letting the ginger brunette sob into his chest. It was going to be a hard night.

-last page break I promise-

A few weeks later the funeral came, Lovino and Antonio stayed in the back, holding hands. Lovino had begun to cry when Feliciano gave his speech, and even more so with Marcello. He hated knowing he had done that to him. It was a relief though hearing in their speeches that they understood, and it would all be okay.

"Lovino? Do you want to leave?" Antonio asked quietly as everyone started to leave for the burial. The Italian shook his head, and the two angels followed everyone to the cemetery. There wasn't much to the burial, there was a new tombstone carved that had both of their names on it. Lovino was in fact buried with Antonio just like he had requested, and there were tears. Lots of tears. From family and himself. After that was done and over with the brunette sighed, sitting in a tree near their grave.

"...What now?" He asked, looking at Antonio who was also looking down at the new tombstone.

"Well...I guess I should take you up now si?" He said, glancing at his lover.

"Up?"

"Si...heaven and all. It's not that bad actually, I was given a small town in Spain~ Like where I was born~" The Spaniard said.

"There we can live, and there will be others there too so it won't be lonely. And...it'll be just like old times~" Lovino, though saddened at the moment, thought it sounded like a great idea and nodded.

"So I'm accepted after all huh?" He said, leaning against the tree.

"If you were destined to hell Lovino we wouldn't be here right now, I would have fought to suffer with you." Antonio murmured. Blushing the Italian nodded, he was secretly glad about all of this. Ironic, he felt more alive in death then in life.

After a few more minutes of idle chit chat and planning, Antonio stood up and offered his hand to the other. Lovino wasn't the best at flying yet and needed practice. Taking it Lovino kissed his cheek shyly and clung to the other as he started to fly up slowly. Lovino remained silent, watching as the world he knew became smaller and smaller. Eventually he couldn't even see his town anymore, and then there was a flash of white light. It blinded Lovino and he hid his face in Antonio's chest, fisting his shirt lightly.

"Lovi~ open your eyes~" He heard Antonio say softly, hands resting on his waist. Lovino noticed he was standing on solid ground now, with some confusion he slowly lifted his head and looked around. It was a small Spanish town, with a familiar looking house in the distance. Joy flooded his heart, a feeling he hadn't felt in years. Looking up at Antonio he saw the full grin he had missed so.

"Welcome home Lovino~ now we can have the life we've always wanted~" Antonio said lovingly, picking him up as he began to walk toward the gate to the large estate.

"And this time...-" He started, kissing Lovino briefly.

"This time, nothing will separate us. Nothing~"

((So that's it! Wow that took forever, sorry ^^; school work and all. This was really fun to write! I apologize for the crappy ending too, I think I went a bit too far with the whole afterlife thing~ XD I hope you all like it though! Make sure you comment! Can't judge how good a story is unless you beautiful people give me feedback~ favorite, follow, all that stuff~

Hope you all enjoyed this piece of angst and happiness~

Batz out~))


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